


Not all Hands are Meant to be Held

by Sarasvati1920



Category: Malcolm Bright - Fandom, Prodigal Son (TV 2019)
Genre: Good Parent Gil Arroyo, Malcolm Bright Gets a Hug, Malcolm Bright Needs a Hug, Malcolm Bright Whump, Other, Panic Attacks, Protective Gil Arroyo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:01:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22790626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sarasvati1920/pseuds/Sarasvati1920
Summary: I am fascinated by Malcolm Bright.  He must have some good memories of his father as Martin Whitly did try to play the Dr Normal act for so long.  How does Malcolm reconcile  those positive feelings he represses for his father?  I imagine that the internal conflict would show itself via panic attacks.So Malcolm visits Dr Whitly in the hospital, it sparks a panic attack, Gil is there.
Relationships: Gil Arroyo & Malcolm Bright, Malcolm Bright & Dani Powell, Malcolm Bright/Martin Whitly
Comments: 6
Kudos: 92





	Not all Hands are Meant to be Held

Malcolm stood by the bed, this man, this monster who haunted him, destroyed him, was part of him, lay still. He looked childlike in the twin bed, tucked into blankets. Malcom felt a small surge of affection but it was immediately flooded by guilt. His father deserved no affection or warmth and the fact that he was capable of this feeling made Malcolm hate himself even more. His emotions were waging a war inside of him, light and dark, rage and love. His hand started to tremble as he looked down at this man. He just wanted this all to be over, fighting was exhausting and pointless. He only kept working to try to help people, to save people, to try to right some wrongs. None of it was for himself, none of it was for his own happiness, his life had never been his own.  
Suddenly Martin’s hand twitched, in unison with Malcolm’s. “My boy”, he whispered as he opened his eyes. Martin reached for Malcolm’s hand and before Malcolm could react Martin was holding his hand. Like he would when they crossed the street when he was a child, or on the way into school for kindergarten orientation. Memories started to overwhelm him, happy, normal memories. Panic rose like a surge in his body. He had to get out. He pulled his hand back and ran out of the room.  
Gil and Dani were sitting on the hard, blue, plastic chairs in the hall. They had been told Dr. Whitly was improving and they were waiting to get a statement, but more importantly, they knew Malcolm was here.  
They were discussing the circumstances of a new case when Malcolm came crashing out of Dr. Whitly’s room clutching at his chest. Gil immediately knew what was happening, he had seen it many many times over the past 20 years. He was up and across the hall instantly.  
Malcolm had his back to the wall and was panting audibly. “Should I get a nurse?” Dani stated  
“no, no, it’s a panic attack, maybe a glass of water though Dani” , Gil said quietly as he loosened Malcolm’s tie.  
“ya, of course” she said as she turned and walked away.  
Gil put his hands on Malcolm’s shoulders. “Kid, hey it’s ok, it’s ok. You know what this is, let’s sit down”  
Gil lowered Malcolm to the floor and kneeled in front of him.  
“I c..c..can’t breathe..i..c.can’t” Malcolm stuttered  
“You can. You can breathe. We will do it together”, Gil pried one of Malcolm’s hands away from his chest and placed it on his own chest. He took a few exaggerated breaths. “In…….and out”  
Malcolm was still struggling. Gil placed his other hand on Malcolm’ s face and forced the kid to look at him. “Malcolm, come on kid, breathe, breathe ..I’ve got you.”  
With that Malcolm let out a shuddered breath.  
“There you go, just like that. In…..and ….out”  
Gil couldn’t help the tears that formed in the corners of his eyes. Malcolm never deserved any of this. He had the biggest heart, he was brilliant, he was definitely quirky but also incredibly charming. Gil had watched him suffer, and struggle, and persevere for decades. He watched when others mocked him, called him ‘weirdo’, blamed him for what his father had done. All of those people didn’t understand Malcolm, and it was their loss. Gil just wanted all of this to be over for him.  
Dani was suddenly beside him with a small plastic cup of water.  
“In his right jacket pocket Dani, there should be some pills.” Gil stated, still holding Malcolm’s hand to his chest as they breathed together. Dani looked at him quizzically but obeyed. Sure enough she found a bottle of valium.  
“Just one Dani”  
“Open up Bright” He didn’t even look at her but he did open his mouth. She placed the dissolvable pill on his tongue and brought the cup to his lips. He took a small sip and coughed. The cough turned into quiet sobs. Gil sat up on his knees and pulled Malcolm in for a tight hug.  
“it’s ok kid, it’s ok”. Gil squeezed him, trying to hold all of the pieces together  
Dani sat next to them with her head down. She had never felt so heart broken for someone in so many different ways.  
“let’s get off the floor, maybe get some air?” Gil was still hugging Malcolm while he stood up, helping Malcolm to his feet. The three of them walked outside , Gil had his arm around Malcolm’s shoulders. Dani walked close to his other side, she wasn’t sure how stable he was on his feet. They found a bench in a shady spot and Dani handed him the remaining water, his hands shook as he took a sip.  
“what happened in there?” she asked  
He wanted to say ‘nothing’ he wanted to say ‘I’m fine’ but he was trying not to do that and it was obvious that he was not fine.  
“He grabbed my hand, I mean…he held my hand.. and I remembered…I remembered moments from my childhood. Happy moments when he had held my hand, when I felt safe...with him” Malcolm laughed at himself when he said ‘safe’.  
Malcolm’s hand started to shake and Dani took the cup from him. Gil squeezed his other hand.  
“You are safe, with us Malcolm. Those feelings you had as a child, those are true…for you. He was your dad and you loved him. That is nothing to feel guilty about.  
Quiet tears streamed down Malcom’s cheeks.  
“He was my dad who was planning to kill me, he was planning to kill me Gil!”, his voice rose.  
“And I was just happy to hold his hand!”  
Malcolm doubled over and put his face in his hands. Gil placed his hand on the back of the kid’s neck, like he had done so many times. A show of affection at dinner, while Jackie tried to get Malcolm to laugh, encouragement to talk when Malcolm hadn’t spoken for a year after his dad had been arrested, comfort in moments like this, so many moments like this. Malcolm had once shown up on their doorstep at 1am during his freshman year of college. Gil opened the door to find an even more underweight than usual, burry eyed Malcolm on his doorstep. He looked utterly defeated.  
“I don’t think I can do this” he had said.  
“Do what, kid?” Gil had replied.  
“Be normal.”  
“Well thank God for that”, Gil had ushered him inside. He had stayed for three days that time. Jacki tried to stuff as much food into him as possible. Gil discussed cases with him, helped him refocus on his school work, and coached him on how to fit in a little more with the kids at school. These were Gil’s memories. This kid, this kid who had saved his life falling apart and being put back together….over and over again.  
Now he was falling apart because of the love he feels for his father. Even loving someone is a punishment for Malcolm.  
“Malcolm” Gil leaned in and whispered into his ear.  
“You are allowed to love your father, you are allowed to keep some good memories. I don’t know how to explain it. But I saw it for myself, when you were kidnapped. Martin Whitly does care for you, within his capacity. You can acknowledge that…it’s ok”  
Dani put her hand on Malcolm’s arm. “Bright, for some crazy reason you are a really easy person to care about,” she smiled.  
Gil smiled at her. “See, I told you” he laughed  
Malcolm looked up, “told her what?”  
“When I brought you on, I told her, give him time, I promise it will be worth it”  
“it was, it is Bright.” Dani stated. Malcolm looked at her. “You are worth knowing, you are worth caring about. And you’re not alone”.  
“we’ve got your back kid, always”. Gil stood up, offered Malcolm his hand and pulled him to his feet.


End file.
